Veteran actor Anupam Kher has ignited a fresh conversation on modern relationship dynamics by questioning the growing trend of normalising friendships with former romantic partners. His comments, made during a promotional interview for his upcoming film Metro In Dino in late December 2025, challenge a commonly accepted social practice, framing it as an oversimplification of complex human emotions.
The Core of Anupam Kher's Argument
Kher expressed his concern not from a moralistic standpoint but from an emotional one. He pointed out that people often treat the idea of staying friends with an ex too casually. "They have been intimate with each other," he emphasised, highlighting that a shared history of intimacy, memories, and deep connection does not simply vanish when a relationship ends. For Kher, allowing a current partner to be close friends with an ex overlooks the profound emotional residue that such past bonds carry.
The Psychological Perspective: Why It's Complicated
Supporting this view, Dr. Ashish Pandey, a Counselling Psychologist at Mano Srijan Wellness Centre in Kanpur, explains that expecting a partner to be completely comfortable with an ex's presence is often unrealistic. "Such expectations ignore natural emotional boundaries," he states. According to Dr. Pandey, even with the purest intentions, an ex-partner can act as a trigger for insecurity, unhealthy comparison, or feelings of vulnerability within the current relationship.
He challenges the modern notion that labels all jealousy as a sign of immaturity. From a psychological standpoint, when an ex retains emotional access, the brain perceives it as a potential risk. "Jealousy becomes unhealthy only when it controls behaviour. When it signals the need for reassurance and clarity, it is actually healthy," Dr. Pandey clarifies.
The Lasting Imprint of Past Intimacy
Dr. Pandey delves deeper into the science of attachment, explaining that past intimacy is not erased by simply declaring you have "moved on." The brain stores emotional experiences, creating neural pathways and attachment imprints. Implicit memories remain, which is why interactions with an ex can feel charged, old patterns may resurface, and subconscious comparisons can occur. True moving on requires processing the past, not avoiding it.
Building Healthy Trust vs. Emotional Overexposure
So, how can couples navigate this tricky terrain, especially when ex-partners are part of a shared social circle? Dr. Pandey outlines key differentiators. Healthy trust is built on a foundation of:
- Transparency without secrecy.
- Clear, mutually agreed-upon boundaries.
- Emotional loyalty and a sense of prioritisation.
He warns that if any interaction with an ex leads to confusion, secrecy, emotional displacement, or constant comparison, it has likely crossed a line. Trust is not about unlimited openness; it is about creating emotional safety while respecting psychological reality. In this light, Anupam Kher's discomfort is seen not as conservatism but as an acknowledgment of the deep-seated ways human emotions operate.
The discussion, stemming from Kher's interview on December 31, 2025, underscores that in the pursuit of modern, progressive relationships, the fundamental need for emotional security and respect for a partner's feelings must remain paramount.
