Parenting a Neurodivergent Son: A Journey of Letting Go and Transformation
For years, Janice Goveas has been introduced as Aiden's mama in every aspect of her life, from professional settings to social gatherings. Initially, this label unsettled her, as many mothers strive to maintain identities beyond parenthood. However, raising her 13-year-old son, Aiden, who is on the autism spectrum, has dismantled the illusion that identity can be neatly compartmentalized. Janice, who identifies as an adult with ADHD, discovered this during evaluations for her son, leading to a daily intersection of their neurodivergent realities that is both chaotic and beautiful.
Redefining Milestones and Success in Neurodivergent Parenting
Parenting Aiden did not follow a conventional template from the start. There were no predictable milestones or universal benchmarks to chase, opening up a world of discoveries, adaptations, and improvisations. This journey is coupled with continuous emotional labor, decision-making without clear answers, and the constant awareness that strategies effective today may fail tomorrow. For many families, school calendars dictate life with terms, exams, and comparisons, but for Janice and Aiden, these markers are not applicable.
Aiden is homeschooled, which means he is perpetually on vacation by traditional standards. Yet, this setup allows learning to happen continuously through music, reading, travel, and exploration, driven by his hyperfocus and lived experiences. Homeschooling provided Aiden the space to grow at his own pace, free from the daily friction of environments not designed for his brain. Most notably, it helped him find his voice, with significant progress in speech during the Covid-19 pandemic, a milestone no report card could capture.
Navigating Adolescence and Advocacy in a Neurotypical World
Adolescence brings heightened emotions, sensory sensitivities, and social misunderstandings that are often misread as behavioral problems. The societal expectation that boys must toughen up or fit in is particularly unforgiving for neurodivergent children who process the world differently. Janice's advocacy became second nature, involving explaining, negotiating, and protecting Aiden while teaching him to exist confidently in a world that is not always gentle.
Single parenting unexpectedly became a source of clarity for Janice. With fewer external expectations to manage, she accepted Aiden's diagnosis more quickly and made decisions centered entirely on his needs. Nature replaced regular schools, and the absence of forced modifications allowed him to thrive. What seemed unusual from the outside became a transformative experience for Aiden and a stabilizing one for Janice.
Professional and Personal Growth Through Neurodiversity
This parenting experience profoundly changed Janice's professional perspective. Raising Aiden deepened her understanding of inclusion, moving beyond corporate language to start conversations about neurodiversity in her workplace. She now supports other caregivers navigating similar paths, highlighting the often-overlooked aspects of inclusion, such as the emotional toll and resilience required of caregivers.
Schools remain largely designed for neurotypical children, with empathy often assumed rather than explicitly promoted. In a world still adapting to neurodiverse individuals, homeschooling offers an alternative path, demonstrating that intellectual rigor does not have to be confined to a set framework. Aiden's deep interests in math, geography, music, and aviation have stimulated his academic growth, leading to visits to nine countries and a sophisticated understanding of flight trajectories.
Embracing Identity and Finding Purpose
Some days, Janice still resists the label of Aiden's mama, feeling it reductive. However, she has come to realize it is not a loss of identity but a moulding of it. Parenting Aiden has given her life a more focused purpose, challenged her assumptions, and increased her sensitivity and inventiveness. It has taught her that success is not about fitting into the world as it is, but about making space for who her child already is—a lesson that adults might also benefit from learning.
Janice Goveas, based in Bangalore and head of Communications for Merck, concludes that being Aiden's mama is not a title that eclipses her but a reality that has transformed her, offering a powerful testament to the journey of neurodivergent parenting.
