Choosing to remain unmarried, especially for women crossing into their 40s, remains a path often met with societal skepticism and pressure. Actor Nimrat Kaur, who has navigated such expectations throughout her career, recently shared her candid perspective, arguing that being single can be preferable to a disingenuous marriage.
The Validation of 'The Lunchbox' and End of Marriage Taunts
Nimrat Kaur revealed that the persistent questions and taunts about marriage began when she was in her late 20s. In an interview with News18 Showsha, she stated that this scrutiny only subsided after the success of the film 'The Lunchbox'. She explained that prior to that breakthrough, people in her extended circle would suggest her 'shaadi ka time aa gaya hai' (the time for marriage has come).
'My work and I were taken seriously because there was Irrfan in the project,' she noted, highlighting how association with an established star lent her career credibility in the eyes of her 'well-wishers'. Kaur expressed that it ultimately took a successful film to convince them of her capabilities, making her 'deserving of their appreciation, finally.' She added that while the pressure was real, she understands it stems from deep-seated societal conditioning.
Questioning the 'Settled' Narrative and Fake Marriages
Nimrat Kaur directly challenges the common assumption that marriage is the sole route for a woman to feel settled in life. She pointed out that women are often advised to 'settle down' through marriage the moment there is any perceived lag in their career or financial progress. 'As if I’m unsettled until I’m married!' she remarked.
She turned the spotlight on the reality of many superficial unions, stating, 'I, in fact, feel like people are most unsettled and unhinged in marriages that are a front.' Kaur emphasized that this facade is more worrying than a woman consciously choosing to be unmarried at a certain age. She attributed much of the unsolicited advice to people who, having not made brave choices themselves, impose their conditioning on others who dare to break the mould.
Psychological Impact of Marriage Pressure on Women
But what is the real cost of this relentless societal pressure? Counselling psychologist Athul Raj explained to indianexpress.com that when a woman chooses to stay single, she is often forced to justify her life in ways married people never have to. 'That scrutiny can trigger anxiety, guilt, and the sense that her life needs defending,' he said.
This pressure tangibly affects life decisions, leading some to entertain unwanted relationships or hold back from personal or career choices simply to avoid judgment. Raj stressed that the key psychological shift occurs when women stop internalizing this external noise as truth. He advocates for setting clear boundaries, speaking honestly about one's choices, and building a supportive community that does not define adulthood by marital status.
The Toll of Comparison and Finding a Healthier Path
Raj further elaborated on the mental health effects of comparing one's life to conventional milestones. This comparison creates a feeling of being 'out of sync,' even when one's life is full and meaningful. 'This gap between personal reality and cultural expectation can lead to shame, restlessness, or the fear that they’re living life incorrectly,' he stated.
The healthier alternative, according to the psychologist, is to question the societal script itself. When individuals take time to define stability and success on their own terms, external pressure loses its power. Practices like journaling, therapy, and connecting with people who have carved unconventional paths can help build a resilient personal narrative.
Nimrat Kaur's stance and the psychologist's insights highlight a growing conversation in India about autonomy, life choices, and the mental well-being of women who choose paths that diverge from traditional expectations.
