Gaslighting is a subtle yet damaging form of manipulation that makes you doubt your own feelings, memories, and perceptions. Psychologist Ziad Roumy recently shared a video on social media highlighting six common phrases used for gaslighting and exactly how to respond. These phrases are designed to make you feel like you are the problem, but you do not have to accept that.
1. "You're over-reacting"
This phrase is often used to cover up disrespectful or hurtful behavior. When someone tells you that you are overreacting, they are trying to invalidate your feelings and make you believe your reaction is unreasonable. However, your feelings are valid. Roumy suggests replying with: "My reaction is matching what you said" or "My reaction is matching your behavior." This reminds them that your response is proportional to their actions, not an overreaction.
2. "Chill, it's not a big deal"
This common expression diminishes how you are feeling and makes your concerns seem unnecessary. The speaker dismisses your emotions by telling you to calm down. Roumy advises responding with: "Big or small deal, I decide what matters for me." This sets a boundary and asserts that you are the one who determines what is important to you, not them.
3. "You're too sensitive"
When someone says you are too sensitive, they are trying to make you feel incapable of handling normal conversations. In reality, it is often them being disrespectful. Roumy recommends replying: "I'm sensitive to disrespect" or "I'm sensitive to bad humour." This flips the script, showing that your sensitivity is not a flaw but a response to hurtful behavior.
4. "You're taking it the wrong way"
This phrase is frequently used to shift blame and make you doubt yourself. It suggests that you are misunderstanding, but usually the other person is behaving poorly. Roumy suggests responding: "Am I? Maybe it's because you're behaving the wrong way." This puts the blame back on them, making it clear that their behavior, not your interpretation, is the issue.
5. "You're reading too much into this"
This statement is often used to divert attention away from their behavior. It implies that you are imagining things, but in reality, you are noticing patterns. Roumy advises replying: "No. I'm just carefully paying attention." This reminds them that you are observant, not overthinking, and you will not let them deflect responsibility.
6. "You need to toughen up"
This phrase is used to cover up their intentions by making you feel weak. However, speaking up requires strength. Roumy suggests responding: "I'm tough enough to speak my mind honestly. Something you should try." This flips the power dynamic, showing that you are strong enough to stand up for yourself, and they should do the same instead of resorting to manipulation.
These responses help you maintain your reality and set healthy boundaries. Remember, your feelings are valid, and you have the right to defend them against gaslighting.
