Bollywood actor Kajol has opened up about a particularly intense moment in her journey as a mother, revealing she once broke her daughter Nysa's brand new phone during a heated phase of their relationship. The candid admission highlights the universal challenges parents face when their children hit the turbulent pre-teen and teenage years.
The 'Ferocious' Mother-Daughter Clash
In a recent interview with Mashable India, Kajol described herself as a "ferocious mother." She elaborated that she believes her children need to be ferocious themselves and learn how to navigate that trait. This philosophy was put to the test when her daughter, Nysa Devgan, was around twelve years old.
Kajol recalled a difficult six-month period marked by persistent arguments. "I think she was 12-years-old and for 6 entire months she was having fights due to some or the other reason," the actor stated. The conflicts reached a boiling point where Kajol, overwhelmed by the constant friction, took Nysa's new phone and broke it. Reflecting on her actions, she framed it as a form of "necessary love," even if she was unsure about labelling it tough love.
Why Adolescence Triggers Home Front Battles
Such explosive moments are familiar to many households. Gurleen Baruah, an existential psychologist, explains the science behind this common developmental stage. Around the age of twelve, children enter early adolescence, a period defined by a storm of physical, hormonal, and psychological changes.
Puberty accelerates mood swings and heightens emotional sensitivity. Developmentally, this is when kids begin to seek independence and forge their own identity, separate from their parents. This quest often manifests as arguments, defiance, and pushing against established boundaries.
Baruah points out a critical neurological factor: the prefrontal cortex—the brain region responsible for judgment, impulse control, and reasoning—is still underdeveloped in teenagers. This biological reality, combined with their drive for autonomy, creates a potent push-pull dynamic that makes clashes at home almost inevitable.
Navigating Storms: Strategies for Parents
So, how can parents set necessary boundaries without damaging trust or escalating conflicts? Baruah admits it is not easy, as these years test parental patience and resilience. The key is to remember that the adult must regulate the emotional temperature of the room.
Boundaries are essential for safety and guidance, but their enforcement matters greatly. Shouting, shaming, or engaging in power struggles typically backfire. Instead, experts recommend:
- Explaining the 'Why': Clearly articulate the reasoning behind rules instead of just imposing them.
- Offering Limited Choices: Provide autonomy within safe parameters to give teens a sense of control.
- Allowing Space for Negotiation: Where appropriate, be open to discussion, which teaches critical thinking and compromise.
For parents managing their own frustration, Baruah suggests useful mental reframing. Recognise that defiance is not a personal attack but a normal developmental phase. Practising perspective-taking—recalling one's own teenage rebellions—can foster empathy.
Grounding techniques like pausing, deep breathing, or briefly stepping away from a heated situation can prevent escalation. Finally, seeking support through friends, partners, or parent communities is crucial to maintaining patience and avoiding resentment.
Kajol's raw anecdote serves as a relatable reminder that even celebrity parents grapple with the intense emotional swings of adolescence. Her story, coupled with expert insight, underscores that while clashes may be a necessary part of growing up and apart, navigating them with conscious effort can preserve the core of the parent-child bond.
