When it comes to explaining surrogacy or alternative paths to parenthood, many parents grapple with the timing and approach for such delicate conversations. Filmmaker Karan Johar has recently shed light on his own journey, revealing that he is preparing for a significant discussion with his twins, Yash and Roohi, who were born via surrogacy in 2017.
Karan Johar's Poetic Approach and Upcoming Honest Chat
In a candid conversation on the Soul Safar with Bhaav podcast, Karan Johar shared his initial, poetic way of addressing the topic with his children. "Earlier, I was poetic about it and told them that you came from Dada's heart," he recounted. However, as his daughter grew older and began to understand basic biology, she pointed out the impossibility, saying, "it is not possible, you have to come from someone's stomach." Despite this, she did not probe further at the time.
Now that the twins are eight years old, Karan acknowledges that "the big, solid chat hasn't happened," but he believes they have an underlying understanding and are not entirely oblivious to their origins. He expressed confidence in handling the impending conversation with complete honesty and pride. "I think the only way I will deal with it is with complete honesty. I will explain the process to them. I'll tell them that I'm absolutely proud of my decision," he stated, emphasizing that his children have received abundant love from him and his mother, akin to what a couple would provide.
Psychologist's Insights on Age-Appropriate Discussions
So, when is the right time for parents to broach the subject of surrogacy or non-traditional birth stories with their children? Psychologist Raashi Gurnani offers expert advice based on developmental psychology.
Early Introduction (Ages 3-7)
Gurnani explains that children begin forming core identity structures between the ages of 3 and 7, a phase known as early cognitive schema formation. Around age 4 or 5, they start to grasp basic family dynamics, making it an ideal window to introduce the concept gently. She recommends using simple, positive language, such as storybooks or metaphors like "a kind lady helped bring you into this world," to plant the seed without overwhelming young minds.
Deeper Conversations (Ages 8-10)
As children reach 8 to 10 years old, their cognitive flexibility improves, and they often begin asking more profound biological or existential questions. Gurnani notes that if a child, like Karan Johar's daughter, starts inquiring specifically—for instance, "Whose tummy was I in?"—it signals readiness for more detailed information. At this stage, honesty paired with emotional safety is crucial. Instead of avoiding or sugar-coating the truth, parents should use truth-based narrative framing, providing simple, factual answers with emotional warmth.
Fostering Emotional Security in Non-Traditional Families
For single parents or families with non-traditional structures, Gurnani emphasizes the importance of fostering emotional resilience. "Children mirror the emotional climate of their caregivers," she says. If parents demonstrate pride, acceptance, and openness about their family setup, children internalize this as emotional safety. It is vital to normalize the family story as just one of many types, reinforcing secure attachment bonds through consistency, love, and inclusion.
Gurnani also suggests using tools like therapy-informed storybooks, exposure to diverse families, and affirming language to build self-concept clarity. Validating children's emotions and addressing any feelings of being "different" with empathy, rather than correction, is key to helping them navigate their identity with confidence.
As Karan Johar prepares for his heartfelt conversation with Yash and Roohi, his journey highlights the broader need for thoughtful, informed approaches to discussing surrogacy, ensuring children grow up with a strong sense of belonging and understanding.
