As December winds down, a familiar ritual takes over conversations and social media feeds: the annual review of New Year's resolutions. This period of reflection often leads to harsh self-criticism when people tally up goals met versus those abandoned. Mental health professionals confirm this sense of falling short is a common experience, rooted in how we are taught to measure our worth.
The Psychology Behind Our Year-End Anxiety
Deepti Chandy, therapist and COO at Anna Chandy & Associates, explains that from childhood, validation is often tied to achievements like good grades or praise. This conditioning extends into adulthood, where self-worth becomes linked to ticking off goals. The pressure intensifies with modern cultural trends. "Today, this pressure is amplified by cultural trends like 'year in photos' or 'year in memories', which turn reflection into a public comparison exercise," Chandy states. She adds that when the year doesn't align with our hoped-for milestones, it's easy to feel inadequate.
Rethinking Resolutions: Process Over Outcome
According to experts, a primary reason resolutions fail is how we define them. Naveen Sharma, a health and fitness coach, points out a common confusion. "Most people confuse goals with resolutions. This makes us think that we must start fresh on a Monday, or the first of the month, which pushes the goal further away."
He highlights another critical flaw: most resolutions are rigid, outcome-based targets like 'lose weight' or 'get fitter,' rather than being focused on the process. "The trouble is that we focus on the destination rather than the process that gets us there. Without a defined process, the goal gets lost in the noise of career, relationships, and everyday life," Sharma says.
The solution is to make resolutions realistic and process-oriented. "The brain is designed to resist change. You have to trick it gently," he advises. Introducing small, sustainable shifts is more effective. For a weight loss goal, for instance, a process-based approach would be improving food habits and committing to working out two or three times a week initially. These manageable steps make the larger goal achievable without self-flagellation.
Embracing Gentle Growth and Self-Compassion
Not every resolution needs to be a monumental life overhaul. Author Meera Ganapathy, whose recent book How to Forget reflects on everyday life, advocates for simpler, kinder intentions. "With each passing year, I find myself less obsessed with drastic changes and more in tune with acceptance," she shares. Her goals are now gentle promises focused on attentive living, such as learning to watercolour or simply returning phone calls.
For others, like businesswoman and fitness enthusiast Shanthala, resolutions are about challenging personal limits with tangible targets. In 2025, she aimed to complete a 10K run in under 60 minutes and a 5K under 30, which she achieved through consistent training. For 2026, her focus has shifted to balancing professional ambition with personal wellbeing. "Everyone works differently. It's okay if resolutions don't look the same for everyone. What matters is feeling content with how you are showing up," she reflects.
Ultimately, experts agree that progress isn't always about grand milestones. Deepti Chandy concludes that endurance and simply showing up are victories in themselves. Reflection, she suggests, should be framed with self-compassion: "'It was a tough year, but I held on. I showed up in the ways I could. I adapted'. When we reflect with this kind of self-compassion instead of self-judgment, the year-end becomes an opportunity for grounding, not stress."
