When discussions about patriarchy arise, they often quickly devolve into debates pitting men against women. Social media becomes a battleground where voices are loud but listening is scarce, burying the actual problem beneath the noise. But what if the issue extends far beyond gender itself?
The Podcast Conversation
In a recent podcast, actor Dia Mirza, alongside Soha Ali Khan and environmental writer Arati Kumar-Rao, delved into beauty standards, the insecurity industry, and how women can inadvertently become enforcers of the very system they oppose. One statement stood out: "Patriarchy is not about men. Feminism is not about women." This simple yet profound line challenges a major misconception about gender equality.
On Insecurity and Industry
Dia Mirza spoke about the pressure women face from a young age and how entire industries are built on insecurity. "Don't allow yourself to fall bait to a culture that feeds insecurity. The cosmetic industry, the fashion industry, the advertising world programming you to believe you're not good enough," she said. This remark resonates with many women who recognize the constant message: you need to fix something about yourself. "It is a male-dominated world that has programmed you to be insecure," she added, highlighting a system that profits from women feeling inadequate.
The Importance of Solidarity
Beyond beauty standards, Dia emphasized the need for women to support each other. "Therein then comes the question and the importance of supporting each other as women, celebrating each other's differences, validating each other as women and acknowledging each other's differences." Arati Kumar-Rao added, "Yeah. And not put them down." This addresses a reality where women often face judgment from other women over appearance, clothing, career choices, motherhood, age, or lifestyle.
Who Keeps Stereotypes Alive?
Arati posed a critical question: "How many women do we see who laugh at these jokes that are clearly patriarchal?" These jokes are not from obscure corners of the internet but from family gatherings, office lunches, and everyday conversations. Labels like "behen ji," "aunty," and "buddi" carry quiet verdicts that a woman has failed to remain relevant, desirable, or youthful. When pointed out, they are often dismissed as harmless teasing. But then came the line that reframed everything: "But the thing is, and women will do this to women." The conversation shifted from men enforcing rules to women perpetuating the system.
The Line That Changes Everything
Arati Kumar-Rao stated, "Patriarchy is not about men. Feminism is not about women." She elaborated, "There are enough and more patriarchal women and there are enough and more feminist men." This reframes patriarchy not as a gender war but as a set of beliefs anyone can carry or challenge. Feminism is not a women's club but a commitment to fairness with no gender requirement for membership.
Why This Conversation Matters
What separated this discussion from typical gender discourse was its refusal to offer easy targets. No villains, no victims—just an honest look at how deeply ingrained ideas survive not because someone forces them on us, but because we casually and thoughtlessly pass them along through jokes, labels, and laughter at the wrong moments. The words of these three women remind us that the work of equality is not just institutional or political but deeply personal. It lives in the comments we make, the standards we silently enforce, and the moments we choose to push back or not.
