Conversations surrounding respect, communication, and power dynamics within households remain deeply personal and often emotionally charged. Many individuals grow up internalizing the behaviors they witness at home, from how disagreements are managed to who receives attention and who remains silent. These early observations frequently shape lifelong attitudes toward relationships and social interactions.
Rani Mukerji's Perspective on Gender Roles and Household Dynamics
In a recent interview with Bollywood Hungama, acclaimed actress Rani Mukerji shared her insightful views on gender roles and household dynamics, particularly emphasizing how children absorb behavior they observe between their parents. Speaking about how a boy's behavior is fundamentally shaped by the way his father treats his mother, she articulated, "I think respect starts at home. Very easily, when you see your mother being ill-treated, it empowers boys to think that if my mother can be treated like this, every other girl can be treated the same way. I think fathers need to be responsible for how they treat their wives at home, because that's what a boy grows up seeing. If your mother is treated well, if she's given respect, boys will understand that women are supposed to be given that respect and that darja (level) in society."
She further elaborated on this concept by adding, "So it all starts at home. Even a small thing like a father raising his voice at the mother shouldn't happen. You know, the mother should raise her voice at the father, that's how it should be." Recalling an incident from her school days, she also shared, "Only one boy I slapped, and the rest of the boys were my friends. And just don't go and ask my husband what happens to him every day at home."
Online Reactions and Social Media Debate
These remarks sparked intense reactions across various social media platforms, with numerous users questioning whether raising one's voice, regardless of who initiates it, should ever be encouraged within a relationship. Some social media participants criticized what they perceived as normalizing shouting, with comments such as, "Why would anyone raise their voice against anyone? Can't we just talk about peace and having gentle conversation!" and "Normalising shouting in a relationship — no matter who does it — is a strange hill to die on."
Expert Analysis on Raising Voices and Healthy Boundaries
But is raising one's voice truly an effective method to assert boundaries in a relationship? "Raising one's voice is generally not helpful in the long run," emphasizes Gurleen Baruah, existential analyst at That Culture Thing, adding that it can create fear, defensiveness, and negative patterns rather than fostering genuine understanding. "That said, we also need to be honest about human behavior. When people feel hurt, ignored, or pushed past their limits, they do get triggered. Anger, sadness, and frustration sometimes come out as a raised voice."
She mentions that the crucial work then is not to shame ourselves for such reactions, but to learn self-regulation. Recognizing personal triggers, pausing before reacting, and choosing clarity over shouting requires consistent practice. Healthy boundaries emerge from knowing oneself and communicating firmly yet respectfully. And when mistakes occur, self-compassion becomes equally important.
Impact on Children's Understanding of Respect and Gender Roles
Regarding children's comprehension of respect, communication, and gender roles later in life, Baruah states, "It really depends on the overall emotional climate of the home. Children can handle seeing parents disagree sometimes if there is warmth, repair, and safety around it. But when shouting, insults, or aggression are frequent, children tend to internalize it. Many start believing conflict equals danger, that loudness equals power, or worse, that they are somehow responsible. Over time, this can shape how they view respect, communication, and even gender roles. Some may grow up avoiding conflict entirely, while others may repeat the same patterns in their own relationships."
Healthier Approaches for Couples to Express Disagreement
According to Baruah, healthier expression of disagreement begins with self-awareness. Understanding what triggers emotional responses and how the body reacts before reaching a breaking point significantly helps. Taking a pause, practicing deep breathing, or even stepping away temporarily before responding can prevent relational damage.
"Choosing small, everyday practices like speaking slower, listening fully, and naming feelings instead of making accusations builds safety. It's not about being perfect. You will fail sometimes. What matters is noticing it, repairing it, and being kind to yourself while learning to do better," concludes Baruah.
This ongoing dialogue highlights the complex interplay between household dynamics, gender expectations, and the foundational lessons children absorb about respect and communication. As society continues to evolve, these conversations remain vital for fostering healthier relationships and more equitable environments within homes.
