President Donald Trump and the White House press corps had their priorities set straight when a self-proclaimed 'friendly federal assassin' interrupted their dinner at the Washington Hilton. The event, featuring spring pea and burrata salad and vintage wine, took a dramatic turn as men in tuxedos and women in gowns dove under tables, mimicking scenes from Hollywood movies, while Secret Service agents whisked away the President, First Lady, and other dignitaries.
Panic and Wine Rush
The panic lasted only a few minutes before guests realized the White House Correspondents' Association dinner would not resume, despite Trump's call to continue. A free-for-all wine run ensued, with 147 of 188 bottles of wine, each costing $76, disappearing quickly, as recounted on X by Peter Girnus, a senior coordinating producer for the dinner. In line with the theme 'A Free Press for a Free People,' well-heeled guests grabbed all the booze available, as one wag put it, giving The New York Times a new tagline.
Conspiracy Theories Emerge
Minutes later, false flag conspiracies began swirling, suggesting without basis that the incident was staged. Trump, known for spreading conspiracy theories, noted the speed of the accusations. 'Usually it takes a little bit longer,' he told CBS. 'Usually they wait about two or three months to start saying that.' Earlier, the evening's order was scrambled so Trump could leave early, avoiding watching Wall Street Journal reporters receive an award for a story on Jeffrey Epstein's 50th birthday book featuring a bawdy sketch and suggestive poem by 'Donald.'
Trump's Priorities
Back at the White House, Trump used the incident to promote his pet project: a 'big beautiful White House ballroom.' He posted that the event would never have happened with the 'Militarily Top Secret Ballroom currently under construction,' demanding dismissal of a 'ridiculous Ballroom lawsuit.' Despite pressure, the National Trust for Historic Preservation declined to drop its lawsuit, as a Washington Post-ABC News-Ipsos poll found 56% of Americans oppose tearing down the East Wing for the ballroom. Other unpopular ideas include Trump's planned 250-foot 'Arc de Trump' and putting his signature on paper money. Undeterred, Trump announced plans for a limited edition 'Patriot passport' for the 250th anniversary of American independence, featuring his image.
Surviving Assassination Attempts
Trump, who survived two assassination attempts—a sniper grazing his ear in Butler, Pennsylvania, in July 2024, and a gun-wielding would-be assassin while golfing two months later—used the incident to highlight his greatness. 'If you want to do a great job… take a look at what’s happened to some of our greatest presidents. It doesn’t happen to people that don’t do anything. It’s not going to deter me,' he posted with a black-and-white presidential portrait. He also superimposed his image alongside Abraham Lincoln on Mount Rushmore before returning to bashing critics and playing with AI.
Targeting Critics
Trump called for ABC late-night host Jimmy Kimmel to be fired for joking that First Lady Melania Trump had 'a glow like an expectant widow.' His new acting Attorney General indicted former FBI Director James Comey a second time over a photo of shells arranged to read '86 47,' which Trump allies portrayed as a threat. Trump posted, '86 is a mob term for kill him. They say 86 him! 86 47 means kill President Trump. James Comey, who is a Dirty Cop, knows this full well!'
Foreign Policy Moves
Angered by German Chancellor Friedrich Merz's claim that Iran had 'humiliated' America, Trump ordered the Pentagon to withdraw 5,000 troops from Germany. As Iran showed no urgency to negotiate, Trump warned Tehran to 'get their act together' with a photo of himself holding a gun captioned 'No more Mr. Nice Guy.' He mulled whether to 'go and just blast the hell out of them and finish them forever' or 'try and make a deal,' skirting the May 1 legal deadline to seek Congressional approval by asserting hostilities had 'terminated' with the April 7 ceasefire.
Royal Visit
As King Charles III and Queen Camilla visited to mend fences, Trump was pleased by a Daily Mail 'revelation' that he and the king are 15th cousins. 'Wow, that’s nice. I’ve always wanted to live in Buckingham Palace!!!' he posted, with the White House following up with a photo captioned 'TWO KINGS.' As a parting gift, Trump announced he would end tariffs on part of Scotland's whiskey, saying, 'The King and Queen got me to do something that nobody else was able to do, without hardly even asking!'
