For generations, a core belief has guided Indian parenting: a 'good' child is one who is seen, not heard. Politeness, silence, and unquestioning obedience have been held as the gold standard of behaviour. However, a growing chorus of parenting experts and conscious voices are challenging this norm, arguing that this emphasis on blind compliance may be doing more harm than good in the long run.
The High Cost of Silent Obedience
Parenting expert and conscious coaching advocate Reem Raouda presents a compelling case for a paradigm shift. In a CNBC report, she emphasises that a child's dignity, feelings, boundaries, and emotional truth should never be valued less than their obedience. The traditional model of silencing children, she argues, can have lasting negative consequences.
When children are consistently discouraged from expressing disagreement or sharing discomfort, they learn to suppress their own voice. This can lay the groundwork for a pattern of people-pleasing in adulthood. Children raised in overly obedient environments may grow into adults who struggle with anxiety, burnout, and weak personal boundaries, as they habitually prioritise others' needs over their own.
This perspective finds an unlikely ally in Hollywood. Actor Dax Shepard sparked widespread discussion when he shared that he actively welcomes his daughters 'talking back' to adults, including himself. His reasoning is rooted in safety and empowerment: he wants them to feel strong enough to speak up in future situations where they might feel unsafe, uncomfortable, or disrespected.
Redefining Disrespect: Assertiveness vs. Defiance
A major hurdle for many parents is confusing assertiveness with rudeness. There is a fundamental difference between defiant behaviour and a child respectfully expressing disagreement. When a child says, 'That's not fair' or 'I don't feel okay with that,' they are practising vital emotional communication.
Silencing these responses teaches them that their feelings are invalid. Instead, experts urge parents to see these moments as opportunities. Teaching kids that it is okay to say 'no,' to question decisions, or to articulate discomfort equips them with essential life skills. True respect is not about silence; it is about communication grounded in awareness and empathy.
Building Emotional Intelligence at Home
Children do not learn respect from lectures; they learn by observing their parents. The family home is the primary classroom for emotional behaviour. The way adults handle conflict, express disappointment, and manage their own emotions becomes a blueprint for the child.
Modelling is key. When parents express their own feelings clearly ('I feel frustrated because...'), listen without interrupting, and respond calmly during disagreements, children absorb these habits. Encouraging children to name their emotions—'I feel upset,' 'I'm frustrated,' 'That made me sad'—teaches them to communicate effectively instead of resorting to tantrums or shutting down.
Perhaps one of the most powerful lessons a parent can model is the art of apology. When a parent admits a mistake or says sorry for losing their temper, it teaches children profound lessons in humility, accountability, and mutual respect. It demonstrates that emotional growth is a lifelong journey, even for adults.
Raising an assertive yet compassionate child is about finding balance. It means nurturing a child who can clearly advocate for their own needs while still caring about the feelings of others. This balance is cultivated through consistent modelling, open conversations, and ensuring the home is a place of emotional safety.
Instead of forcing constant 'pleases' and 'thank yous,' the most effective method is to embody those behaviours in your own daily interactions. Children are keen imitators of what they see, not just what they are told. Ultimately, raising a child who can speak up, ask critical questions, and set healthy boundaries is not a sign of parenting failure—it is a significant marker of success. The world needs more adults who know their own worth and simultaneously respect the worth of others.
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