R Madhavan Opens Up About Modern Men's Confusion Over Chivalry
R Madhavan has always been known for his charm and traditional manners. The actor recently shared his thoughts on how social dynamics are changing. He talked about the confusion many men feel today. Madhavan spoke with India Today before his film Aap Jaisa Koi released.
"The Man Is Now Tip-Toeing"
Madhavan explained his own experiences. "People like me have to learn the new age way of showing respect," he said. He gave examples from his own life. "I am used to opening car doors for women. I let them pass before me. I stand up when a woman is standing. That has now become offensive."
He described situations where women asked him not to open doors. Some said, "Please don't call me ma'am." Others told him, "I can open my own door." Madhavan observed, "The man is now tip-toeing between whether or not to do such things."
He emphasized that men do not want to be offensive. They want to be courteous. But chivalry has been redefined. "What I am trying to say is, the person you think is toxic might not actually be trying to be toxic. It might not have been his intention," Madhavan added.
Expert Advice on Navigating New Social Norms
Gurleen Baruah is an existential psychotherapist at That Culture Thing. She offered guidance on this issue. Baruah said it depends on what people call outdated. Opening doors or offering seats is not inherently problematic. "What matters is the intention," she explained.
If gestures come from genuine respect, they are often appreciated. But if they come from performative masculinity or control, they become problematic. When someone says they feel uncomfortable, it is not an attack. It is just a perspective.
Baruah advised men to engage in self-reflection. "Why do I do this? Is it about expressing care? Seeking approval?" she asked. Social norms are changing. Confusion is natural. But it is also a chance to find clarity. Real respect comes from being present and aware.
Evolving Definitions of Chivalry
According to Baruah, chivalry is not a fixed moral code. It is a cultural script that evolves. Today, the focus is less on fixed gestures. It is more on responsiveness. "Instead of asking, 'What's the right thing to do?,' the better question is 'What feels respectful in this moment, with this person?'" she stated.
Courtesy is not diminished by asking questions. In feminist psychology, well-meaning actions can still reinforce unequal dynamics. This happens if they are habitual and unexamined. True respect is not about preserving tradition. It is about co-creating safety and care moment to moment.
Distinguishing Confusion from Resistance
Baruah also discussed how to tell genuine confusion from resistance to change. When someone says opening doors has become offensive, it often reveals internal discomfort. It may show projection, defensiveness, or grief over losing familiar social roles.
"Confusion is valid — but when it's paired with curiosity, it leads to growth," she said. Resistance shows up as sarcasm, nostalgia, or framing change as absurd. The distinction lies in willingness to engage in dialogue. It involves taking feedback seriously and staying open even when uncomfortable.
Madhavan's candid conversation highlights a common struggle. Many men are trying to adapt to new social expectations. With thoughtful reflection and open communication, they can navigate these changes respectfully.
