Bollywood actor and television host Neha Dhupia has given a raw and honest glimpse into the emotional turmoil faced by working mothers, sharing a poignant moment with her young daughter that highlights a widespread struggle. In a candid conversation with Yuvaa, Dhupia spoke about the relentless 'mom guilt' that plagues her, revealing a specific, heart-tugging comment from her child.
The Loaded Bedtime Confession
Neha Dhupia recounted a recent exchange that cut deep. "She told me the other day, 'Mama, you are just coming back home for bedtime, and then I don’t see you...'" Dhupia shared. She added, "It’s a small little line, but it’s loaded." This simple statement from her daughter encapsulates the invisible emotional labour and constant internal conflict that working parents, especially mothers, navigate daily.
Dhupia did not hold back in describing her emotional state, stating, "I am guilty all the time. If you ask me one more question, I’d probably cry." She further explained the exhausting cycle of guilt, where time spent at home to compensate for work absences can then spark guilt about neglecting professional responsibilities. "When it goes on the other side. And you are spending too much time at home because you are guilty, then you start feeling guilty about being absent from work," she said.
How Children Experience a Parent's Absence
Dr. Pavitra Shankar, Associate Consultant – Psychiatry at Aakash Healthcare, provides expert insight into the child's perspective. She explains that young children do not process a parent's absence logically but experience it on an emotional level. "Children at a tender age do not measure time in hours spent together, but in emotional availability," Dr. Shankar notes.
When a parent is frequently away due to work, a child may internalise this as emotional distance rather than a lack of love. This can manifest in various behavioural signals, including:
- Increased clinginess and separation anxiety
- Sleep disturbances and irritability
- Behavioural regression or heightened emotional reactions
- Becoming unusually quiet or, conversely, acting out for attention
"These responses don’t mean the child is damaged," Dr. Shankar clarifies. "They indicate the child is trying to balance absence with a need for emotional security." She emphasises that the quality of connection is more critical than the quantity of time. Predictable routines, reassurance, and emotionally attuned interactions can help a child feel secure even during physical separations.
Responding to a Child's Longing Without Transferring Guilt
Dr. Shankar offers crucial advice on how to handle statements like the one Neha's daughter made. Parents often interpret such comments as accusations, but they are actually expressions of longing. "When a child says this, they’re saying 'I miss you,' not 'you’re failing me,'" she explains.
The healthiest response begins with validation, not with justifications or defensive explanations about work commitments. It involves acknowledging the child's feeling without making them responsible for adult choices. Dr. Shankar strongly advises against placing emotional weight on the child by saying things like, 'I’m doing this sacrifice for you.' "That creates guilt in the child," she warns.
Reframing Mom Guilt for a Healthier Dynamic
The first step in managing this pervasive guilt, according to Dr. Shankar, is recognising that it often stems from unrealistic societal expectations, not from causing actual emotional harm to the child. "Children benefit not just from parental sacrifice, but from seeing emotionally stable adults who value themselves," she states.
When mothers view their professional identity as part of a whole, fulfilled self—rather than as something in constant competition with caregiving—they model balance and self-worth for their children. This shift helps reduce anxiety-driven parenting and prevents guilt-based overcompensation. "Letting go of excessive guilt protects children," Dr. Shankar concludes. "An emotionally grounded parent offers far more security than a parent consumed by self-doubt."
Ultimately, the message for both parent and child is that love is not measured by constant physical presence, but by consistency, honesty, and the creation of a safe emotional environment, even amidst the busy schedules of modern life.
